Of Hearts and Symphonies: A CCS Songfic Collection
by witch-mistress-animaru
Summary: Mostly SS. A collection of random CCS one-shots, mostly romance-themed, each of them based on a particular song. Rating per story varies, so for precaution the collection is rated M. 3rd Story: Secret Lovers, inspired by Unfaithful, rated M.
1. The Sweetest Sin

_CCS Song-fiction collection_

_Witch-mistress-animaru_

A/N: A collection of one-shots for CCS, SS mostly, revolving on romance, tied with any other genre.

P.S. If you have songs which you want to be included in this collection, just PM me or you can tell me through a review. If I don't know the lyrics, there's always Google.

Do tell me if you spot a story which, in your opinion, can be made into a full-length story. Or if you find something that you want to improve on and make a full story from, just tell me, I won't object (grins).

This is what I'll be doing while I work out the grand plots of my full-length stories.

One-time disclaimer: CCS isn't mine, and never will be, by the looks of it.

_**1: The Sweetest Sin**_

_**Hardest Thing**_

_**Performed by 98 Degrees**_

_**Pairing: SS, with Meiling on the side**_

_**Rating: T/M**_

_**Genre: Romance/Angst**_

_Somewhere in the Order of the Phoenix something went like this:_

"_She deserves someone young and whole." – Remus Lupin, Order of the Phoenix (On Tonks)_

"_It's you I want, I don't care if you're a werewolf or anything." –Nymphadora Tonks to Remus Lupin, Order of the Phoenix_

It was raining outside, torrents and torrents of raindrops falling, washing the whole street clean. A man with brown, messy hair stood outside the doorway of a small apartment downtown, holding his black umbrella with shaky hands. One hand was poised on the door, inches from knocking and letting his presence known to whoever was inside.

_And yet…he cannot bring himself to do it._

He stood there, the rain splattered in his gleaming black leather shoes, his business suit getting messier by the minute, but for the life of him, he cannot do it. He does not even know how to start.

The white-gold band on his left hand felt heavy all of a sudden, and he desperately gathered his courage once more. Not giving himself another moment to lose his resolve, he knocked on the door without the hesitation he felt.

_I can do this…I can…_

Yet as the door opened, revealing a young woman with auburn hair and smiling green eyes, his resolve seems to vanish right then and there. All he wanted to do was hug her tight and kiss her, assure himself that it's not over…

_We both know that I shouldn't be here_

_This is wrong_

_And baby it's killing me, it's killing you_

_Both of us trying to be strong_

"Syaoran," she breathed, as if mesmerized, before throwing herself to his arms. "I didn't think you'd come," she whispered before kissing him on the lips.

How had he ever forgotten the feel of her lips? How did he ever think he can end everything, somehow?

The door closed behind him, their lips never breaking apart…somehow…it was so wrong…yet how can it feel so right, to hold her like this and just kiss her forever?

"I missed you, I missed you so damned much…" she murmured, trying to hide her tears as they broke apart. "It's so hard, Syaoran…"

Her words were like acid to his heart, gnawing at his whole being. He suddenly found it hard to breathe. This is why…he must end all this…

_I've got somewhere else to be_

_Promises to keep_

_Someone else who loves me_

_And trusts me fast asleep_

Everything started so innocently…light flirtations, a simple exchange of numbers…and yet…amidst it all…he began to see more and more of her, and less and less of his wife…

His story wasn't so strange, especially in China. His marriage was arranged by his parents, with a long-time childhood friend. Never having known anything else, he respected the decision and went on to marry her.

For two years, they were happy. For two years, their relationship was secure.

Until love, that one powerful emotion, made its way to his heart…

…for the wrong woman, for all the wrong reasons…

And it threatened to destroy everything he had with his wife.

"_Do you think I don't know what you are up to, Xiao Lang? You have been cheating on your wife for so long now! How can you do this to her? She was your friend, your sweetheart, and now you're throwing it all away? Have you no shame? Two years…two years, Xiao Lang. She deserves better than that…especially since she loves you, loves you ever since you were kids…"_

His mother's words rang in his mind, and once more, his resolve hardened.

_I've made up my mind_

_There is no turning back_

_She's been good to me_

_And she deserves better than that_

"What will you have for dinner, Syaoran? I prepared some simple meal, but…"

If she said one thing more, all this would have been for naught…so he decided to cut her off.

"Sakura…" he whispered, unsure of what to say. "I…I did not come to stay…"

"Oh, of course you'd stay…why ever not? Come on, Syaoran, don't be so…like…" She trailed off upon seeing the look on his face. "You're serious, aren't you?"

"I…came to say goodbye, Sakura. Really, goodbye…"

"Goodbye?" She parroted, looking stupid.

"I…" _damn it, I can't lie to her!_ "I…have decided to try again with Mei Lin."

"I…see…"

"No, you don't. I tried to break it gently…but I guess there's no other way to say it. I…don't think we can be together anymore."

Sakura snorted, rather inelegantly, while she twiddled her thumbs. He saw that her hands were shaking.

"The next thing you'll be telling me is you don't love me," she said with a trace of bitterness. "Don't do this please, Syaoran?" She was pleading…pleading…and he can't hold on much longer if she keeps on doing that… "I never really complained about our setup, did I? I never…minded that you weren't mine… Just as long as we are together…selfish might that sound. Or is it your family again, telling you to leave me?"

For a moment—just one moment of insanity, he considered her words. How wonderful it would be to just succumb to his will, he thought.

"_You will end up hurting them both…would you care for that? Would you like that? We have kept this hidden from her for so long. But trust me we won't be covering up for you anymore…enough is enough."_

"It's not my family…at least they're not alone in this decision, Sakura," he said, trying to numb his heart from the pain. "It…it's for the best. And you're right, I really have to say I don't love you…because it's the truth. It can hurt, but it's true."

"Don't lie to me, please…don't do this to us."

But he knew she wouldn't let go if she knew how he really felt…

"I'm not lying. It's my wife that I love…you…were nothing but a diversion, yes, that's it…a diversion from the rough times we experienced," he said as coldly and callously as his voice would allow without cracking up.

"You're lying…" Yet Sakura's eyes were brimming with tears.

_It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do_

_To look you in the eye_

_And tell you I don't love you_

_It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie_

_To show no emotion when you start to cry_

"I guess…this is goodbye then, Sakura. It's never really meant to be…"

"No…don't…Syaoran…" Tears were running down her cheeks and she was choking on her sobs. Syaoran quickly turned away, fists clenched as he controlled the impulse to run back to her and soothe her. "Please…I know you love me, I know you do…"

"I told you I don't love you, I never did!" He shouted, hoping to finally get to her.

But Sakura walked towards him, and one soft, pale hand touched his shoulder lightly. He quickly pushed her hand away and turned to her…

"Stop it, will you? You're being too pathetic! We both knew this was going to end! We both knew it, so don't go groveling for me to stay like some…some…beggar, some waif!"

To say that she was shocked was an understatement. Her eyes widened; her hurt visible in her green eyes.

"Did…you have to be so cruel? Why…why pretend that you…you love me, then?"

_I can't let you see what you mean to me_

_When my hands are tied and my heart's not free_

_We're not meant to be_

"I never pretended…you just assumed."

"But you always told me you loved me!"

"I did it to keep the fantasy…and to keep you happy…for as long as it lasted. Now I don't see the point in lying."

"You…you're a bastard…Li Syaoran…for hurting me like this…when I have loved you…loved you with everything I am…" She whispered, and before he can do anything, her hand fell across his face in a stinging slap.

_I deserved that…for taking what can never be mine. For hurting you, for loving you even when I know we can never be together…and hurting everyone in the process…_

He didn't say another word before he turned and walked away…

_It's the hardest thing I'll ever had to do_

_To turn around and walk away_

_Pretending I don't love you_

Go on living without Syaoran beside her was pure torture, Sakura knew. Her tears just won't stop falling and her heart continues to ache. She cannot imagine how she can ever recover from this heartache…

Yet if he never loved her…what choice did she have?

Life was so unfair, she decided. He was the one thing she will never have…

For now, she had to move on with her life…and forget about him. Forget about his kisses, forget about his embraces, his sweet-nothings and caresses…

…most of all, she had to forget him, the whole of him.

_I know that we'll meet again_

_Fate has a place and time_

_So you can get on with your life_

_I've got to be cruel to be kind_

_Like Dr. Zhivago_

_All my love I'll be sending_

_And you will never know cuz_

_There can be no happy ending_

Years later, in a local pub, a brown haired man was drowning himself in drinks. His words were slurred, his vision blurred. He kept saying the same thing, "I'm sorry, I lied…I love you, you know I do…please don't let me go like you did…" over and over again till the bartender had to stop him.

For years, he had tried to move on and live without her. For years, his life had been naught but a barren existence. His marriage became a complete failure shortly after ending his affair.

All along, it was guilt keeping him glued to Meiling's side…and when there wasn't anything left to be guilty about, everything fell apart.

_It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do_

_To look you in the eye_

_And tell you I don't love you_

_It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie_

_To show no emotion when you start to cry_

Sakura stared unseeingly ahead of her as she waited for the local train to arrive. Her eyes were cool and blank, her face passive, almost catatonic. It hardly comes as a surprise—she doesn't know how to react once she boards the train and comes home after three long years.

Three years…has it really been three years since Li Syaoran walked out of her door? Has it really been three years since she suffered from a nervous breakdown after a mild overdose of sleeping pills?

Yes…she wasn't proud of how she dealt with the pain. She just went on numbing herself to near-death. Love was never an easy thing for her…and to lose him almost meant losing her own life.

And it took her years…all these years to finally recover. She has come to accept that their story was something that was never meant to be. She didn't know where he was now, he could have gone back to Hong Kong, and it shouldn't matter anymore…

…yet a little bit of her remained interested to know where he was.

_Maybe another time, another day_

_As much as I want to, I can't stay_

_I've made up my mind_

_There is no turning back_

But she knew that her yearning would never end until she let go…so she was letting go, inch by painstaking inch… Their story was a closed book, there was no need to re-open it again and let all the ghosts out.

It had ended, albeit unhappily, but that was that. She should really leave it at that.

She should be satisfied for coming out of the whole deal with her soul intact.

Yet was she satisfied? Or is she still holding out for something more? They never had closure, everything ended abruptly…

And she didn't know the answer. Nor did she want to find out what the answer is.

--

"You are sure about this divorce, Syaoran?" Hiiragizawa Eriol asked for what seemed like the hundredth time. "Might I remind you that divorce is final, irrevocable…?"

"…you don't need to remind me _again,_ Eriol-san," Syaoran said wearily. Frankly, Eriol was beginning to sound rather like his own family, who all voiced out their doubts, scruples and the slightest hint of disapproval at his decision to part ways with Meiling. His own mother condemned his decision outright, but for once, the shadow of doubt left Syaoran in this decision.

He knew it was right, for he knew just how much Meiling suffered and endured for him…the lengths she went through to stay with him.

Too bad they can't be together to the end…for it will destroy them both.

And he knew that Meiling was coping slowly, that she was coming to accept their separation. And Meiling would deserve it than anyone else…except maybe Sakura.

_She's been good to me_

_And she deserves better than that_

And once more, his thoughts settled on the one woman he wanted, the one woman who happened along at the wrong time, at the wrong place…

_It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do_

_To look you in the eye_

_And tell you I don't love you_

_It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie_

_To show no emotion when you start to cry_

If he had to re-do everything all over again…would he have done the same? He didn't know…

Ah, maybe, just maybe…he'd do it again…to make things right…be with the one he truly loves…

_I don't want to live a lie_

_What can I do?_

Maybe if he found her now…after the murky divorce process is over, he'd start all over again. Maybe.

_Somewhere…somehow…we'll make it right._

Somehow it didn't sound too promising.

But he had to hold on to that.

And he hoped that somewhere, somehow, Sakura was holding on to that, as well. She had to.

Or they'd never be together again…

XX

2,306 words

A/N: So how was it? Dangling, I know…that was my intention. Let's see how many optimists and pessimists we have here by telling me what you have to say about this first (and hopefully not the last) offering. It won't be the last—the next one's on the way. ET fans, watch out for an angst-y romance in the next one-shot.

Coming up:

_**Title: After the Scandal**_

_**Based on Hands Clean**_

_**Performed by Alanis Morissette**_

_**Pairing: ET, hints on SS**_

_**Rating: T/M**_

_**Genre: Romance/Drama**_


	2. After the Scandal

_Of Hearts and Symphonies: A CCS song-fiction collection_

Witch-mistress-animaru

A/N: By the looks of it this collection will reach something, being the music freak that I am. You should have noticed that my stories have epigraphs from some songs. Hell, I finished one semi-full-length song-fic just some weeks ago or so.

_**2: After the Scandal**_

_**Based on Hands Clean**_

_**As performed by Alanis Morissette**_

_**Pairing: ET, hints on SS**_

_**Rating: T**_

_**Genre: Romance/Drama**_

"_She was an angel fallen from the sky,_

_Shunned from heaven to hell_

_Shunned from heaven to nowhere_

_And all because she loved __**him**__,_

_Loved __**him**__ with all of her heart."_

_- From the revised chorus of Daidouji Tomoyo's _

_newest composition and single, __**Fallen Angel**_

"_You fucked me, played around with me, _

_And I always wanted more, more, _

_More than you can give me_

_Like an angel fallen from the sky, _

_(I was) lured to my death by the devil that you are."_

_- Original verses edited out of __**Fallen Angel**_

It was years since the scandal befell Tomoeda. It was a most delicious piece of gossip, even now, as many housewives are wont to tell anyone who listens…even a stranger.

It all happened when the heroine of the dreary tale was but sixteen, fresh out of high school and ready to take on the world. She was a promising beauty and filled with all the talents and blessings to make almost all girls her age green with envy. She had a lovely voice and an eye for the design, not to mention that she excelled academically—math and all that jazz—as well. Her family was rich and influential, and she was the soul of amiability and kindness.

Some would go as far as saying that she was a goddess descended on Earth to help the less fortunate ones.

And she was wise…wise beyond her age. Her eyes had that knowing glimmer one would see in older people, only very rarely on a teenager's eyes. Yet, mingled with that sense of omniscience was just the subtlest hint of naiveté and innocent optimism one wouldn't see anywhere else but on the eyes of a child…or of a girl who has lived a sheltered life.

She was a novelty. She was very precious to everyone who knew her. Comparing her to a goddess would have been accurate to describe her.

Who would have known that everything would be shattered not so long thereafter?

It began when she started to go to a high-profile university for the arts, where she studied both music and design. She sang her notes well and perfected the first lessons on fashion and etiquette. The university's curriculum was rather patterned after medieval western finishing schools for women, although they accepted young men in their ranks nowadays.

There she met a young man, a few years older than she, who made her heart sing like no one had. For the first time, she was falling in love.

But it wasn't right…for the young man in question is her professor on music, a graduate of the same university two or so years ago.

And the school had no tolerance for relationships between mentors and students.

Thus, the hidden, forbidden _affair _began…something that changed the young girl forever.

--

"This is too dark, Tomoyo-chan," Sakura said as she read Tomoyo's composition, _Fallen Angel._ "I know you're into the alternative genre, that you're into Goth and whatnot, but…"

"…but what? You know that some musicians got away with it. Alanis exorcised her inner demons with her songs, you know, and nobody ever complained."

"I don't know, Tomoyo…this is just a bit off the mark. I'm not sure I'm willing to gamble your career on this."

"What's wrong with it?"

"What's wrong?" Sakura asked incredulously. "You're asking me what's wrong with it? Well, let me read a few passages. _'You fucked me, played around with me, and I always wanted more, more, more than you can give me. Like an angel fallen from the sky, lured to my death by the devil that you are.' _That's a lot of angst, and it feels…angry, too angry. It doesn't feel like plain angst anymore, you know? Anger, that's what it is about. I don't think you can pull it off with that soft voice of yours."

"Songs are meant to be emotional. You don't understand about this, Sakura."

"But you aren't suited with anger, Tomoyo. Your voice just isn't built for it. Angst, you can get away with it, manage to win hoards of fans with it, but plain, shouting anger? No, I don't think so."

"There are many kinds of anger…this one's the anger that doesn't need to shout. This one seeps to your bones. The kind of anger that creeps from inside…damn it, I'm human, and I'm entitled to feel any type of emotion. Just because I sound delicate on tape doesn't mean I'm incapable of displaying my wrath."

"Okay," Sakura said. "So your style remains the same here. But…the language is unbecoming. No. You'll have to change it." She encircled the lines with indelicate words and handed the composition back. "Change them, please, Tomoyo…"

Tomoyo snatched the sheaf of paper with much more force than necessary before stalking out.

"Was that Daidouji?" Syaoran asked his wife as he emerged from the foyer. "I greeted her but she didn't seem to have noticed."

"She's still fighting her own demons…Tomoyo-chan…she's the only one who can do it, too."

--

Tomoyo's demon was, at that very moment, alighting from a plane bound from Hong Kong, where he had become a famous balladeer. Rock and roll wasn't his tune, and he had chosen to become a single artist who can play a bit of everything and sing his own compositions.

He walked slowly but surely, until he came across a billboard and received the shock of his life. For there…plastered was the face that haunted him since forever.

_She was too young then…_but she was all-woman now, and with her gothic appearance he hardly recognized her from the sweet, gentle girl he loved. He recalled with a twinge of regret how he had pushed her away thereafter…for her own sake…

"_It's over and you know it," his voice was cold, too cold even for him to bear. He never thought it would end this way. He never…_

"_I don't understand," her voice was but a whisper, her eyes full of hurt and unshed tears. "Why? Why? You promised me…always…"_

"_I never meant to keep my promises," he retorted, ignoring the sharp stabbing in his heart._

"_Did you ever love me?" There. The question he dreaded the most. How was he to answer it without lying?_

"_I didn't. I never did." His answer was enough to shatter her already broken heart. "You were but a diversion to my otherwise boring existence. I never wanted to be a teacher, much less here…but you made it fun, somehow."_

Fun. That was what he said. Yet it had all been a lie…

_**If it weren't for your maturity none of this would have happened **_

_**If you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself **_

_**If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and **_

_**If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much **_

He pushed all the blame on her, without meaning to. He wanted to condemn himself, but in the end she was the one condemned…even with a rich and influential family as she had.

"_This is wrong." He had said the moment their lips first met…but he went on with it anyway._

She was the most willing student, the most eager to please her mentor. He taught her everything he knew about music and voice, and she listened with worshiping eyes and a willing demeanor.

And love…ah…nothing could have been more wondrous than the moments he spent with her.

Yet, at the back of his mind, fear niggled at him. In the end, his fear won…and destroyed them both.

_**Ooh, this could be messy **_

_**But you don't seem to mind **_

_**Ooh, don't go telling everybody **_

_**And overlook this supposed crime **_

Tomoyo's hands tore over the music sheet as she ripped off the pages containing the verses Sakura wanted removed. Her hands shook badly and her eyes were wet with tears as she kept at it, unsure of what to do.

There was anger within her…too much, and she knew it would have destroyed her if she kept everything bottled up inside. Yet inside…she knew the truth…

_**We'll fast forward to a few years later **_

_**And no one knows except the both of us **_

_**And I have honored your request for silence **_

_**And you've washed your hands clean of this **_

Her hands scribbled down in earnest, all the anger left her, until all that was left was shame in her open admission of what she truly felt. The harshness of every word vanished, replaced by bleak agony.

_You fucked me, played around with me, _

_And I always wanted more, more, _

_More than you can give me_

_Like an angel fallen from the sky, _

_(I was) lured to my death by the devil that you are._

She erased every single word reflecting the anger she used to survive, the anger she let simmer through her so that she might live…now there was none left. She had used up her stock, and all that was left was pain.

_She was an angel fallen from the sky,_

_Shunned from heaven to hell_

_Shunned from heaven to nowhere_

_And all because she loved him,_

_Loved him with all of her heart._

She finished writing the piece and washed the streaks of tears from her face and left for Sakura's office.

She had to stop tormenting herself now.

Sakura received her composition without comment this time, only a nod of approval before she went on to her rehearsal.

"Tomoyo-chan…"

"Yes?"

"He's back, I've only heard of it myself."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"You aren't over him, are you?"

"I…" She tried to lie but couldn't bring herself to do it. "I doubt I'd be over him in the years to come. But it's okay. Thank you for warning me, Sakura-chan. I'd be very careful."

--

It was her concert, with her latest single as the feature presentation. Eriol knew, and he had to watch her…even from afar, away from prying eyes, he had to see her one last time before he returned to Hong Kong and go on with his life.

True, the scandal had been a blow to both of them, but it wasn't he who suffered. He left as soon as he could, unable to bear seeing her destroyed. He knew she could weather it out; but he wasn't so sure about himself, if he could bear seeing her weather it out.

Nobody really knew what actually transpired between them. They just speculated, and speculation turned to spiteful gossip.

"_Sensei, you have the prettiest eyes I've ever seen," she said rather candidly. Taken by surprise, Eriol stared at her for what seemed like forever, as if he was seeing her for the first time…_

"_Thank you," he had said, avoiding eye contact with her melting amethyst orbs as he continued teaching her the proper execution of notes._

"_You know, I never really needed someone to tutor me…" She whispered._

"_Daidouji, if you please…"_

"_But you intrigued me…Eriol-kun," his gaze flew to her face upon hearing that whispered intimacy._

_And that had been the beginning of everything…_

For days and days, they'd spend hours together, watching movies or going out of town, away from prying eyes. They'd lay sprawled on sandy beaches and hold hands in some obscure park several rides away from Tomoeda. They'd steal kisses and tender looks whenever they thought it was safe…

Most of the time, upon going home, she would hold his hand in hers and lay her head on his shoulder, sighing contentedly and saying how much she enjoyed their time together. Sometimes she'd complain that she wanted the world to know how much she loved him. He'd smile sadly, and let her talk. Sometimes he was wont to say the same things…how much he loved her and how much he wanted the world to know about it…

She'd fall asleep on that position, sometimes cradled in his chest or his lap. He'd loved those quiet moments the most, when they'd talk for a long time about anything and everything, finally ending in the serenity and security of each other's arms as they went home to continue the farce for the sake of everyone.

_**You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me **_

_**You're kind of my protégée and one day you'll say you learned all you know from me **_

_**I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian **_

_**I know you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it **_

Tomoyo stood in the corner of the stage, watching the band acting as her front act rather passively. This would be the first…and last…time that she would perform _Fallen Angel_ live. This was all she wanted—to finally escape the clutches of her past and exorcise the demons of pain and hurt within her.

She practiced as long as she could, each time more tiring than the last. Now, here she was…awaiting the cue…

At last, it came. The lights dimmed until a single spotlight remained at the center of the stage. She walked slowly and spoke.

"Good evening, everyone…my next, and last, performance for tonight will be my latest single, something you probably haven't heard before. I just composed it recently…and listen carefully because…this would be the only time I will ever perform this song live…ladies and gentlemen, I give you, _The Fallen Angel,_ from my latest album with the same title. I hope you enjoy this."

She closed her eyes as the soft first notes of the song floated towards her and she started to sing.

_She was young, young and so naïve_

_She thought the world was hers for the taking_

_How very wrong she was_

_For everything fell apart_

_With one gaze from cool blue eyes…_

_The eyes of the one she loved…_

She closed her eyes once more, before the tears fell and she shamed herself for being too emotional.

_**Ooh this could get messy **_

_**But you don't seem to mind **_

_**Ooh don't go telling everybody **_

_**And overlook this supposed crime**_

Eriol could not, would not move. His breath came in constricted gasps…

_All these years…after all these years…_

It didn't take a genius to figure out who she was talking…rather, singing, about.

He suddenly found it hard to breathe, much less speak, as the chorus rang in his ears…

_She was an angel fallen from the sky,_

_Shunned from heaven to hell_

_Shunned from heaven to nowhere_

_And all because she loved him,_

_Loved him with all of her heart…_

She loved him…truly loved him… and she suffered because of him…

_**We'll fast forward to a few years later **_

_**And no one knows except the both of us **_

_**And I have honored your request for silence **_

_**And you've washed your hands clean of this **_

She opened her eyes as the ad lib of the song began. Her eyes scanned the crowd as she tried to search for Sakura and Syaoran…

…instead, she found herself staring at a familiar face…all too familiar…

…Hiiragizawa Eriol was seating in the third row, watching her intently.

_**What part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept? **_

_**What part of your memory is selective and tends to forget? **_

_**What with this distance it seems so obvious? **_

Suddenly, the song has taken on an all new meaning. She very nearly stopped singing from shock. _What was he doing here?_

She kept on singing, almost mechanically. They were staring at each other, as if the years never passed between the two of them…It seemed as if it was only yesterday that they said goodbye…

"_So that's it? You're going to end it like this?"_

"_Did you imagine anything else?"_

"_I have thought, for so long…that we were never going to end…"_

"_You thought wrong, then."_

"_How can you be so…so callous?"_

"_This is the way I am. I never cared for goodbyes…but this is it. You were my most excellent student and I had fun because of you."_

"_That's it? That's the best you can come up with?"_

"_What am I supposed to say? That I love you but it won't work? Don't let us be stupid, Tomoyo. It was bound to end anyway…"_

"_I…see…" And truly, she did._

"_So, this is goodbye, then…" He went to the door as Tomoyo sank to her knees weakly._

"_And Tomoyo…" He stopped before going out. "Mum's the word, isn't it? It's better this way."_

"_I will never give you the satisfaction of letting anyone else into the secret, bastard!"_

_He smiled ruefully, and shut the door behind him. Tomoyo wasn't there to see his tears fall, his eyes glittering like sodden sapphires behind his glasses._

_**Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family **_

_**We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse **_

_**I wish I could tell the world cuz you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly **_

_**I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and keep your firm body **_

Tomoyo isn't even aware that her voice broke as she sang, tears scalding her throat. She knew the audience was appalled but she went on anyway. This night might very well end her career, she didn't care. She only cared that he was here…after all these years…

_**Ooh this could be messy and **_

_**Ooh I don't seem to mind **_

_**Ooh don't go telling everybody **_

_**And overlook this supposed crime**_

Eriol stood up quickly as Tomoyo finished her song amidst a rather smothered round of applause. He did not want people speculating and gossiping about her change of mood and why her performance wavered. Yet he had to talk to her… He slipped past the rows of people towards the backstage as quietly as he could. There were a dozen others already there, awaiting the star's appearance.

**--**

The concert ended with a buzz. Everyone seemed to notice Tomoyo's change of mood, but she didn't care anymore. She stalked off the stage rather ungracefully and this was the only time she wasn't asked for an encore. She wanted to snap at the people waiting for her backstage but she just didn't have the energy.

She was drained, and bone-tired.

The production crew ushered the fans outside…that was when she noticed him.

He was leaning against the wall, his arms folded.

She very nearly swayed on the spot. Thank God she held her ground.

"What do you want?" She asked slowly, in cultured tones.

"I just wanted to congratulate you…"

"Thank you. Now will you leave?"

"No…actually, I came to offer my apologies. It's been due for years."

"You're forgiven. Now go."

"I won't…I don't think you ever forgave…or forgot, Tomoyo."

"That's conceited of you."

"I know it, because I never forgot, either."

"You bastard!" All composure left Tomoyo as she swung at him. "How dare you come here…thinking I would welcome your affections with welcoming arms? I told you, it's over and done for. It's done, okay? Forgiven or not, does it matter?"

"It matters…" his voice shook as emotion caved in. "It matters to me, Tomoyo. Believe me, if I knew…"

"What? What would you have done?"

"I…I don't know, but I never would have left. I would have died rather than leave you…but please understand that…I had no choice then. I thought that leaving was the best way to protect you."

"It wouldn't have mattered, you know…that they condemned me or not, I thought you would always be there…and it won't be so bad anymore…"

"Tomoyo…"

"Please…please leave…"

"I want everything back as it was…"

"I…I don't know, I need time to think things over. This has all been…sudden…"

"Tomoyo, please…"

"Just…just go…"

"All right…all right…I'm going. Just…" He stopped, frustrated. He didn't know how to reach her anymore… "Just remember I love you…I love you, I always did…I never stopped…even when I left…"

"Stop it! Stop force-feeding me lies! I won't have it…you hear me? I won't have anymore of your damn lies!"

"I'm not lying…I never lied when I said I love you, Tomoyo."

"Please…leave."

"All right. Call me tomorrow when you decide on things…tomorrow, you hear me? Because if you don't, I'd assume you don't want…to be with me anymore. Just tell me you forgive me now."

"I forgive you…I never really…hated you…I hated what you made me feel…"

He hung his head before he left.

_**We'll fast forward to a few years later **_

_**And no one knows except the both of us **_

_**And I have honored your request for silence **_

_**And you've washed your hands clean of this **_

Was she ever free of him? And she knew the answer… No matter what she said, it was always him…

…_Always…_

Tomorrow, she promised. Tomorrow she'd tell him the truth.

XX

3,380 words (excluding epigraph)

A/N: I love and hate open-endings like this. I know you must do, too. Want closure? Want to continue this story or make it full-length? Just tell me.


	3. Secret Lovers

_Of Hearts and Symphonies: A CCS song-fiction collection_

Witch-mistress-animaru

A/N: Okay. One more story about forbidden love and then we'll go for something creepy and sad.

Warning about very graphic lemon scenes and themes not meant for minors. If you aren't up to it, skip this story and wait for the next in this collection.

_**3: Secret Lovers**_

_**Inspired by Unfaithful**_

_**As performed by Rihanna**_

_**Pairing: SS, with Eriol on the side**_

_**Rating: M**_

_**Genre: Romance/Angst**_

Hiiragizawa Sakura was everything a woman wanted to be. She was the epitome of the feminine elite—from her carefully manicured fingernails to her perfect haircut, Sakura screamed of elegance and class.

She was one of those few women who could look good without trying. Hers was a success story, everybody said. She had the perfect career as a supermodel—a diva who could make heads turn as she entered the room, Sakura modeled everything from clothes to expensive skin care products.

Everybody believed that she was very lucky, especially as she was married to a man who used to be considered Tokyo's most eligible bachelor. Indeed, Hiiragizawa Eriol was a well-known business tycoon all over Japan. His influence in the world of commerce was such, Sakura never needed to work after they wed. However, to everyone's surprise, she continued working.

They were married for two years now, and people cannot believe that they would have stayed together all those times. As it appears, though, they were wrong—it couldn't be anything less than a match made in heaven.

How very wrong they were.

"Going out again, wife?" Eriol asked coldly as she dabbed some perfume on her wrists. She started, almost guiltily, before feigning nonchalance.

"Of course. I have to meet with my agent, Eriol." They talked like they were perfect strangers. It was hard to believe, looking at them now, that at one point, they shared an affection of each other.

They were never in love, even at the beginning, but there had been respect and some sort of attraction between the two of them. After several dates, all of them amiable enough, Eriol proposed to her. It wasn't romantic, but it could have been sweet. She doesn't really remember it well.

Theirs was little better than a marriage of convenience. He needed a wife immediately to gain his inheritance. Meanwhile, she needed the money he had to offer—she never denied that she married him partly for his money.

But back then, she hoped something good would come out of their arrangement. She hoped their comfortable friendship would develop to something else.

It never did. Instead, they became as they were now—strangers who had nothing in common except the house they live in and their surnames. They don't even share the same room anymore.

She didn't know why, but Eriol was always distant. Goodness knows, she tried to cross the gap between them—even to the extent of seducing him to her bed. But none of them kept him glued at her side.

So she simply gave up.

_Story of my life_

_Searching for the right_

_But it keeps avoiding me_

_Sorrow in my soul_

_Cause it seems that wrong_

_Really loves my company_

"You don't need to work anymore, Sakura," he reminded her. She shook her head, knowing he didn't really care. "I need to do this," she said, half-hoping he'd say something more, show some more concern for her. _I need to maintain my self-worth…_

"Fine. Whatever suits you, then." He looked at her without any interest, as if he wasn't really seeing her. Her chest tightened. _Please, care for me, Eriol, even once…_

Despite his coldness, Sakura is still very much attracted to her husband.

"I'm leaving," she said, standing abruptly and stalking away.

Tears welled her eyes as she walked, her chest heaving. How he could hurt her with just simple words. She knew that he was having her followed, but he never confronted her. He pretended to never care. Or just to never know. Either way, she didn't like it. She hated the way he remained detached from her.

_He's more than a man_

_And this is more than love_

_The reason that the sky is blue_

_The clouds are rolling in_

_Because I'm gone again_

_And to him I just can't be true_

_And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful_

_And it kills him inside_

_To know that I am happy with some other guy_

_I can see him dying_

Furiously, she dialed a number so familiar to her—the number of Li Syaoran, an ex-model who opened his own agency. They used to be colleagues…until…

"Hello?"

"Hey there, stud," she purred out, drying her eyes. "Can we meet?"

"Sakura," he said softly, as if taken by surprise. He cleared his throat. "Sure, babe. I'm here at my flat. I'll be waiting."

"Make sure you're ready for me, then," she said provocatively, blew him a kiss and ended the call.

She felt the old apprehension, and-- though she denied it—excitement inside her as her strides became purposeful. It was wrong she knew, but she could not help herself.

Li Syaoran was everything she wanted Eriol to be. Being with him was the same, and at the same time, different. He was like a drug she couldn't get enough of. He initiated her to the world of sex, yet they never went beyond that—they were merely fuck buddies.

Half an hour later, she arrived at his flat. He was waiting for her, all right.

Wearing nothing but a towel as he emerged from the shower.

Her breath caught.

Before she knew it, they were tearing at each other's clothes, kissing each other fiercely. He wrapped her legs around him as his towel dropped to the floor and the buttons of her blouse ripped off.

They didn't talk—they only moved together, occasionally bumping some of his furniture until they made it to the bed, panting. He pinned her underneath him and removed her bra, his lips trailing down her neck to her breasts.

"Ohh…you really do that well," she moaned as he sucked one breast—nipping and teasing her to madness—and kneaded the other with his masterful hands. His other hand began to trail down to her undies, only to find she was wearing a thong. He chuckled.

"Getting a bit too naughty, aren't we?" He whispered in her ear.

She arched beneath him, writhing and squirming with every touch, every kiss he gave her.

His lips continued trailing down at her and did one thing he never did before. He reached her pussy lips and began lapping at her with his tongue.

"Oh…Syaoran…" She climaxed immediately, screaming his name as she pulled at his hair. But he kept what he was doing.

"You taste so good, babe," he murmured, his warm breath teasing her down there. Then, just as she was recovering from her shattering experience, she felt his fingers inside her while he kept teasing her with his tongue.

Then he crawled slowly, deliberately up towards her. His lips caught hers again—and she tasted her own love juices from his lips, which only heightened her arousal.

She thought he would penetrate her then, but he didn't. Instead, he stood up, stacked several pillows beneath her head. Then he held her arms fast above them with one hand and settled her using his other hand.

"I want you to watch us," he rasped out. He was obviously at his limit, his breathing shallow and strained. He propped her head up so that she could see him as he slowly entered her. She drew in a sharp breath. "It heightens the senses, doesn't it?"

Soon, he was pumping to her fast, both of them heaving as they escalated to heights of pleasure.

When it was over, Sakura stood up and headed for the bathroom to wash herself.

She knew she was being watched.

She hoped it was enough.

_I don't wanna do this anymore_

_I don't wanna be the reason why_

_Everytime I walk out the door_

_I see him die a little more inside_

_I don't wanna hurt him anymore_

_I don't wanna take away his life_

_I don't wanna be..._

_A murderer_

_She's gone,_ Syaoran thought bitterly as he heard the door slam shut.

It was always like this. She'd call him up, obviously upset. Then somehow, they'd end up having sex.

That was how it began, though. They were friends even before she got married. She was one of his closest friends, even though he was already half in love with her. He never thought they'd end up lovers. Then that Eriol came to the picture and he thought he'd lost her for good.

Months passed without contact. Then one day, she called him up, sniffling. Alarmed, he decided to invite her over.

That had been the start of everything. She was a virgin then—how surprised he was when he realized that. Either Eriol Hiiragizawa was stupid, impotent, or both. Nevertheless, he was glad to have been the first man in her life.

But they never progressed from that point.

She'd use him ruthlessly and leave him immediately afterward.

The irony of it all made him want to weep.

He had her body, all right. But her heart—her feelings—remain with her husband who, ironically, was never really a husband to her.

He knew that for everything to end, he had to be the one to end it.

There was no other way.

**Eriol** couldn't bear to look at the pictures of his wife having sex with her new agent. Li Syaoran was a colleague of Sakura's, he knew. But now the bastard owns a modeling agency where she had a new contract with.

He loved Sakura…but he cannot break the barriers between them. He never knew how to make his moves, after all. And now he's lost her to another man.

God, how it hurt.

Now he won't be able to look at her the same again. Now they had to say goodbye. And soon enough, he hoped, the scars would heal. Nobody need ever know what transpired between them.

_--_

_I feel it in the air_

_As I'm doing my hair_

_Preparing for another date_

_A kiss upon my cheek_

_As he reluctantly_

_Asks if I'm gonna be out late_

_I say I won't be long_

_Just hanging with the girls_

_A lie I didn't have to tell_

_Because we both know_

_Where I'm about to go_

_And we know it very well_

_Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful_

_And it kills him inside_

_To know that I am happy with some other guy_

_I can see him dying_

Sakura knew something was wrong the moment she stepped inside the room. Eriol looked calm and composed, but she knew otherwise.

She closed the door shut.

Then he started to speak, and everything shattered.

"I want a divorce."

And she knew everything she wanted and dreaded…was going to happen now.

_I don't wanna do this anymore_

_I don't wanna be the reason why_

_Everytime I walk out the door_

_I see him die a little more inside_

_I don't wanna hurt him anymore_

_I don't wanna take away his life_

_I don't wanna be..._

_A murderer_

_Our love, his trust_

_I might as well take a gun and put it to his head_

_Get it over with_

_I don't wanna do this_

_Anymore_

_Uh_

_Anymore (anymore)_

"Syaoran?" She was crying. He knew the call was going to come. He was prepared for it. "Can I come over?"

"I…I…" he wavered. Then he went on. "I'm sorry. I have other things to do." Then he hung up.

He looked ahead of him, not really seeing anything anymore.

He'd rather forget her—everything about her. He'd move on and get a grip and let go of her.

Easier said than done.

**Sakura **can't believe he hung up on her. Syaoran—who was always there for her, suddenly left her in the cold? The world must be coming to an end.

"_I don't want to stand between you and someone else, Sakura. Admittedly, I was…and still am, attracted to you. I just didn't know how to tell you. But now, I…don't think we can really be together anymore." _Eriol's words kept haunting her…

But now she didn't even have Syaoran anymore. Somehow, she felt it more of a loss than when Eriol said he wanted a divorce.

And it hurt her so much…yet she knew it was a price she must pay.

_I don't wanna do this anymore_

_I don't wanna be the reason why_

_And everytime I walk out the door_

_I see him die a little more inside_

_And I don't wanna hurt him anymore_

_I don't wanna take away his life_

_I don't wanna be..._

_A murderer (a murderer)_

_No no no no_

_Yeah yeah yeah_

Everyone was shocked when Hiiragizawa Eriol divorced his wife. The perfect match wasn't so perfect, after all, they surmised.

Sakura wasn't taking it well at all. She had gotten thin and all and her career was becoming a waste.

Syaoran knew that, as her current agent, he needs to confront her.

So here he is, seated comfortably in his office, awaiting her arrival.

And arrive she did.

Her hair unkempt, her face disheveled. She was no longer glamorous, but nonetheless pretty.

"What do you want to say?"

"You're throwing your life away because of that divorce, Sakura."

"What do you care?" Her words were bitter, her voice brittle. She looked ready to flee anytime.

"Sit down," he said impatiently.

"No, I won't. Say what you have to say now. I won't be hanging around much longer."

"I said," he accentuated, "sit down." She followed, somewhat reluctantly.

"What's happening?" He asked. "You're self-destructing."

--

Sakura wanted to weep hysterically. How can he act so…so cool, so distant?

Like those heated moments in his apartment never happened.

Like they never were lovers.

It hurt more than hell now, as she realized what she truly felt about him.

Eriol had been a mystery to solve, and when he provided her with answers, she lost interest on him…

While Syaoran kept her alive. He kept her interested. He made her feel things she never felt before.

She loved him. Oh, dear Lord, how she did.

But she already lost him.

And it was her fault—for never bothering to get close, for being selfish and insensitive.

"Oh, I don't need to tell you that. I know what I am doing."

"Do you, really?" He asked softly.

"Yes," she shouted. "So don't bother asking me as if you care!"

"But I care," he replied.

_Oh yes, you do. But not in the way I want you to._

She shook her head. "We're getting nowhere here. I think I better leave."

She stood to leave.

Before she could reach the door, he stood up and stopped her, pinning her to the door.

Then his lips descended on hers.

"Please…don't leave," he whispered as the kiss ended.

She didn't know what to say.

"I can't…I tried to stay away, but I can't. Don't do this, Sakura. Don't be a stranger. Don't leave me…"

It was all she needed to hear. Wrapping her arms around him, she kissed him soundly.

"I love you… I always have…" and suddenly, it was enough for both of them to just hold each other.

_Maybe happy endings do exist after all,_ she thought, _even for someone like me who makes grave mistakes…_

The End


End file.
